The secret to good relationship- Be a good gardener


Relationships are funny plants.

They sometime tend to take root in the oddest of situations, between the oddest of people. And despite the harsh environment that surround it, the plant grows from a tiny sapling to become at times a mighty oak tree

Relationships could also take the form of a money plant or a creeper that clings to its host, often at the cost of the host. It could be a rose plant, beautiful to look at from the outside with all its flowers but yet have deep sharp thorns inside.

Quite often when a new relationship starts, we have no idea what kind of plant will it turn out to be. Will it bloom and become a mighty oak or will it be a rose plant full of thorns or worse still, become a creeper sucking your emotional energy out of you?

What kind of plant one wants the relationship to become will largely depend on the kind of gardener you are.

A good gardener will water his or her relationship, carefully tending to it, periodically fertilizing the soil with laughter, kindness and companionship and also removing weeds of perceptions and assumptions. A good gardener does all that because he or she is keen to nurture the relationship plant and would like to see it grow into becoming a might oak.

However, every relationship just like so many plants die untimely deaths, simply because the roots of the relationship have not gone deep enough to hold firm. Some die because of the weeds of imagined hurts, perceptions, assumptions and throttle the plant and force it to die.

Nothing is sadder in life that watching what could have been a beautiful relationship suffer and be throttled to death.

Some plants die because of the un-realistic expectations that both gardeners have of the sapling that they have planted together. They often expect the sapling to deliver the fruits even before the roots have held firm.

Some die because of lack of trust. Trust are the roots of any relationship that binds two people together. Like the tiny sapling or the might oak, if the roots are weak, one day, sooner or later, the plant will fall and die an untimely death.

A good gardener will carefully fertilize the plant with sufficient doses of trust, forgiveness, adjustments, compassion and patience. Relationships like plants need tender loving care. They need to be nurtured by both parties, not just one.

The more love you put into a relationship, instead of your ego, the stronger the roots become. The more care and compassion you put into it, rather than your irritation and rigidity, the greater the chances of the tiny sapling not just surviving but growing.

As someone who has lived long, I have had my share of all kinds of plants in my life. Some have been creepers who have emotionally drained me, while some have become rose plants, beautiful on the outside but sharp on the inside while a few have grown into strong big mighty oak trees.

And for every sapling that I have planted that did not grow and blossom, I have felt immense sadness, especially for those that showed so much promise. But over the years, experience has made me a better gardener and I try my best to invest heavily into my gardening work with every new plant that I have the opportunity to water and grow.  

In time, we all become better gardeners with our relationship plants. Youth carries with it its inexperience and therefore more often than not, we are poor gardeners in our youth. Plants that grow into becoming trees do so by sheer chance, not because of any water or fertilizer that we have put into it.

So for all my young friends out there who are reading this, ask yourself, are you a good gardener? Do you invest time and effort in growing your plants? If you do, I can promise that as you grow older, you will be surrounded by huge mighty oak trees that will stand firm with you no matter how dark or troublesome life will be.

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Rajesh Menon is a seasoned entrepreneur and digital marketing expert with over 25 years of experience. An MBA in marketing, Rajesh has largely worked in the advertising and communication industry with several leading agencies. He has worked with several brands like Nestle, Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Cisco, HP, Britannia, Usha, Gillette as well as with hundreds of SME’s


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